Due to unrealistic depictions in pop culture (we’re looking at you, B.A. Pass) and porn, how women orgasm in a realistic masturbation is often exaggerated. If you ask women in real life, they’ll tell you that nobody gets thrown up in the air during climax. It’s an orgasm, not the Exorcist. Because of these unfortunate depictions, it’s natural for women to hold these ideas as benchmarks for self-pleasure. The horror.
As a result, women are likely to have frustrating experiences during their precious ‘me time.’ If you really want to make sure masturbation is a safe, comfortable and incredibly memorable experience for you, consider looking to the following 10 tips:
1. DETERMINE WHAT KIND OF SESSION YOU WANT
Do you want a quickie of sorts or do you want to make a play-date out of it? Determining whether you want to focus on a quick climax or a long self-care session could help you set the mood both physically and mentally.
2. DON’T FORGET THE REST OF YOUR EROGENOUS ZONES
One mistake that women often make during masturbation (thanks to misinformation and men who never fail to disappoint) is to focus solely on the clitoris and the vulva. While the clitoris may be the most sensitive erogenous zone in the body, it’s not the only one. Explore your other erogenous zones like breasts, stomach, thighs, anal opening, even armpits with touch or sex toys to have an all-round fun experience.
3. EXPERIMENT WITH MULTIPLE MODES ON YOUR TOYS
Most Massagers come with different pulsations and buzzing modes designed to stimulate your vagina and clitoris in different ways and speeds. Switch between modes and speeds during masturbation and play a little. MsChief’s Solo, an air pulse stimulator, would be a great companion for this. Between 10 different modes to choose from, this toy could be the ultimate playtime assistant you need that uses air pressure to stimulate your clitoris. Even if the ultimate goal is to have a mind-blowing orgasm, there’s no reason you shouldn’t slow down or have some fun on the way, yeah?
4. TRY EDGING
Edging is the process where you stop stimulating yourself right before you are about to orgasm. You slow down your breathing and you’re stimulating and start again. There are numerous accounts of women talking about how edging enhances the intensity of the orgasm when you finally climax.
5. LUBE IT UP
We cannot stress on this enough. Being lubricated makes or breaks self-pleasure. Ensure your vagina releases ample bodily lubrication by stimulating and touching your body. It’s always, always a good idea to use a good water-based lubricant (Link to category page of lube) during sex and during self-pleasure. Lubrication maintains continuity of sensations and ensures your vulva and sensitive skin is protected if you use sex toys.
6. SHED UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT MASTURBATION SHOULD LOOK LIKE
Mainstream media projects a very rigid picture of what female masturbation “looks like.” Look at your body and know how you react to each sensation you feel is perfectly normal and closer to reality than anything you ever see on porn sites or television. There’s no such thing as “looking awkward” during masturbation as it’s just your body responding to the pleasure you are providing it. If you’d like some self-education on what realistic orgasms look like, you could pay to look at femme-cammes who supply realisitic pictures of female orgasms.
7. MIX UP YOUR STIMULATION
Don’t just focus on the clit or internal stimulation. Switch between both or try stimulating yourself both internally and externally at the same time using pleasure toys. Another enticing (and safe) option will be to use a clitoral stimulant gel that amplifies the pleasure you already feel during masturbation.
8. TRY DIFFERENT POSITIONS
Yep, positions are not just for partnered sex. Even in a solo session, mixing up the positions you choose while using vibrators or fingers or water stimulation could add to your pleasure. Trying to pleasure yourself in doggy style or rimming while on your side could tell you more about your body and how it reacts to pleasure. You could even use props like mirrors to try the voyeur position or stimulate yourself while standing.
9. FIND THE RIGHT KIND OF PORN
Find what kind of porn works for you. Don’t be afraid of looking at porn videos that portray sexualities different from yours. What kind of porn you choose to watch for visual stimulation during masturbation is not necessarily an identity marker in any way. Remember, pleasure is a safe space where you can play out your fantasies. Allow your mind to go where it wants to without judgement.
10. FOCUS ON THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE, NOT JUST THE FEELING
Self-pleasure is more than a state of mind. It’s a state of being. Allow yourself to create the right headspace and environment for it. If you have the time, set the mood for a sensual experience the way you would with partnered sex. In a way, self-pleasure is about honouring your relationship with parts of yourself. It’s not just about reaching climax quickly. After all, your entire body and sensory organs come together to help you reach your most pleasurable self. Don’t pressure yourself, just go in with the idea of having a good time. You don’t always have to have an orgasm.
