Stigma and shame around discussing female pleasure in India has held back several generations of women from experiencing fulfilling sex lives. For many generations, women experienced sex for reproductive purposes or for the pleasure of men. In fact, the movie trope of women being deemed completely “useless” if she fails to produce children or satisfy her husband has been decoded to death.
If a woman cares about her pleasure–say, a Deepika Padukone in Cocktail– she’s deemed too promiscuous and not worthy of love and affection. She’s immediately deemed a slut. But pleasure has little to nothing to do with promiscuity. If anything, Padukone’s character shows just how little people in India talk about women’s pleasure. If we take out the purpose of being a “vending machine” for reproduction or the desires of men, it’s almost like women don’t exist, according to cultural tropes.
But the times, they are changin’. Discussing stigma around sexual liberation of women’s desires is one way of ensuring that no more generations suffer from silence. Secondly, in the here and now, these myths hold no ground.
Here are a few myths you need to throw out the window and never look back:
1. PLEASURE = ORGASM
Thanks to pop culture and unrealistic depictions in porn, the idea of equating orgasm with pleasure is a popular and dangerous one. In fact, this is one the reasons why women have struggled for so long to discover pleasure and be assertive in what makes them tick during sex. Pleasure is so much more than orgasm. Science tells us that an orgasm, while deeply intense and pleasurable, is the just one of the many aspects of experiencing sexual joy. The female body is literally designed that way. Touch is a powerful sensory tool to enhance pleasure. Experiments in ‘edging’ show how delaying an orgasm can make the release of pleasure even more powerful.
There’s pleasure sexual and emotional intimacy with not just a partner but also yourself. Running after an orgasm like your head is on fire can actually do the opposite of the desired result, sometimes– it can put you off.
2. WOMEN DON’T EXPERIENCE INTENSE ORGASMS IF CONDOMS ARE USED.
Honestly, this is just an excuse for men to “convince” women to not use condoms during sex. The vast and crucial roles condoms play in sex have been discussed at length. They not just protect women from pregnancy but also sexually transmitted infections and other viruses. With the world of pleasure being so extensively marketed and with the variety of condoms available in the market, it’s ridiculous to assume
that condoms reduce the intensity of sex for women. Condom varieties like ultra thin (Link to product page of ultra thin condoms) to clitoral stimulants coated to ribbed are designed to increase the pleasure women feel.
3. WOMEN EXPERIENCE MULTIPLE ORGASMS WITHOUT A SINGLE BREAK
The clitoris is an organ, not a machine. It can’t jump from task to task without a break. After the first orgasm, the clitoris becomes really sensitive to touch. It’s true that people with vulvas do have an evolutionary advantage over people with penises, i.e. they can “recover” faster from an sexual release. The ratio of how quickly you recover from the first orgasm and move on to the next one determines “multiple orgasms” in women. But the important distinction here is the word ‘orgasm.’ People often assume that multiple orgasms mean multiple clitoral orgasms when, in fact, to achieve multiple orgasms in one session, it takes more than clitoral stimulation. For example, foreplay, penetration, using sex toys, anal penetration, pleasuring other erogenous zones may be required to achieve multiple orgasms in a single session.
No good thing in life comes without a break.
4. FOCUSING ON THE VULVA IS THE KEY TO FEMALE PLEASURE
Sex and pleasure are tied to intimacy, trust, communication, desire, attraction, and many non-verbal variables. Many people often assume that the key to a woman’s orgasm lies in her vagina. Nothing could be further from the truth. This argument goes beyond gendered tropes. As mentioned before, the human body has several erogenous zones. Finding ways in which to engage with different parts of the body and with the person as a whole is likelier to lead to intense sexual release than simply restricting precious effort around the vulva. It’s like just focusing on the toppings of a pizza without eating the bread and cheese it is laid upon. A good way to explore
all the erogenous zones in a vulva could be from using a vibrator cum air pulse stimulator like the Virtuoso (Link to Virtuoso product page) from MsChief. The stimulator uses air pressure that helps enhance pleasure without even touching and the vibrator part of it adds an extra oomph. It’s a perfect balance for the world of vulval exploration.
5. WOMEN DON’T LIKE HAVING PERIOD SEX
We don’t know how many times to tell you, period sex is great! If the partner can get over all the period mess (and there are ways to get around it), period sex can be one of the most pleasurable experiences for women. Research shows how incredibly horny some women can be during or right before they menstruate. There’s a lot of hormonal study involved, but the bottom line is: women tend to love period sex, are more enthusiastic during period sex (yes, despite the cramps and pain) and you’re definitely missing out if the sight of some perfectly normal period blood stops you from initiating something that could lead you to have the time of your life.
All in all, don’t let the rumour mills stop you from exploring pleasure that feels right to you or to your female partners. And if you’re ever in doubt, you can always come back to us to clear them up.